Author: Larry

The Marital Cycle Avoid the Crazy Phase
By Larry L. French, MA Avoid the Crazy Phase
Larry L. French, MA, LPC, LMFT

Making Up Words and actions begin to turn toward each other. Huge relief! Fun and
exciting to renew closeness.
Partners will want to reach out and attempt to reconnect. Little gestures will be made: “repair attempts”.

Honeymoon
In love and “like” with each other. This is my life partner to whom I choose to marry.
Upbeat and positive attitude. We cherish each other and we see the best in each other.
Intimacy is sweet.

Best friends
Enjoy spending time with each other: work or play.
Activities we enjoy doing together. Laugh and are
playful with each other. See the best in each other and affirm one another.

Communicate Respectfully - KIND & GENTLE

Conflicts Arise Feelings of anger, hurt, disappointments, and frustrations ...
Emotionally Triggered Poor emotional self-regulation
and communication skills
Reactive verses proactive

Calm and Quiet Miss being close to each other. Hopeful that things will be better this time.
Feels lonely and miss all the good qualities in each other.

Really
Listening
Use listening skills to understand the feelings.
Express emotions without blaming or attacking.
Conflict resolution

Seek First to Understand Hear each other’s heart. Thoroughly understand each others position on an issue. Respectfully communicate this understanding.

Emotional Flooding

Self-Regulate Call a “time out”. Give each other space and time to “self-soothe” and recover from “flooding.” Expression of emotions are
to make the situation better.

Here you
have a choice

Distance
Grows Feelings of despair and hopelessness. Frustration grows. Unhealthy attempts at conflict resolution escalate the feelings of hopelessness.

Inflict Wounds Hurtful things are said or done. Threats to leave or divorce. Attack character. More hurtful words. Serious and long-term wounds.

Arguments
Escalate Yell or scream! Argument spirals into other topics.
Mean Spirited Dredge up the past Walls grow higher!

Attack - Defend Emotionally Unregulated: see red
Go at each other harshly and viciously. Blame, accuse, attack, belittle, mock, criticize, degrade

Reactive to the Conflict
Judgment is impaired. Say and do wounding things in response to partner’s hurtful words or actions. Begin to freak out! There is no listening.

Also referred to as “hell on earth”

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